Here at GEDS we feel that often descriptions of people's experiences are often done very diagnostically, in terms of signs and symptoms, which can make all experiences seem very similar and loses so much of the variation that exists with these problems.
Although being away of the symptoms of an Eating Disorder is important for informing ourselves there are already many resources on the web with this information (see http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/Eating-disorders/Pages/Introduction.aspx for more).
Therefore we have decided to take a different approach and ask our members to describe their experiences in their own words. We would like to thank everyone who had contributed to the page. If you would like to add your own thoughts, please email us at geds.team@gmail.com
Although being away of the symptoms of an Eating Disorder is important for informing ourselves there are already many resources on the web with this information (see http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/Eating-disorders/Pages/Introduction.aspx for more).
Therefore we have decided to take a different approach and ask our members to describe their experiences in their own words. We would like to thank everyone who had contributed to the page. If you would like to add your own thoughts, please email us at geds.team@gmail.com
For me, my eating disorder...was like my best friend and worst enemy. It served a purpose in my life and helped me to deal with difficult thoughts and feelings. However, as I got further in, it began to control me.
Binging and purging was a process of stuffing down my emotions with food and then starting afresh. It comforted me but came with a lot of pain and guilt attached, which became worse as time went on. Eventually it became an addiction that felt out of my control. Restricting felt like the only way out but would inevitably lead back to binging and more guilt. It felt like a vicious cycle.
Recovering from an eating disorder is hard but worth it. It's like seeing in colour after viewing the world in black and white for so long. At first, it's terrifying to open up all these emotions and let go of the familiar. It hurts a lot and feels very scary. However, once you get past the initial shock, you start to realise and appreciate the bigger picture that you've missed out on. You feel as though you're finally experiencing life. It's not always perfect but it's an amazing experience. I feel as though I'm starting to enjoy all the bits of the picture now and it's motivating me to keep going forward.
Having an eating disorder felt like a constant battle between a "good" and a "bad" person. The "good" one wanted me to be pure and perfect and the "bad" one was my own personal self saboteur. It took me a long time to realise that I was hidden underneath this and neither side could win. Finding my voice in the battle has been an important part of my recovery so far.
Having an eating disorder was like living in a constant fog. I could still function and see the world around me but it was tainted by my eating disorder and I couldn't properly engage with life. Everything felt slow, sluggish and not worth it unless it was related to food or losing weight.
Binging and purging was a process of stuffing down my emotions with food and then starting afresh. It comforted me but came with a lot of pain and guilt attached, which became worse as time went on. Eventually it became an addiction that felt out of my control. Restricting felt like the only way out but would inevitably lead back to binging and more guilt. It felt like a vicious cycle.
Recovering from an eating disorder is hard but worth it. It's like seeing in colour after viewing the world in black and white for so long. At first, it's terrifying to open up all these emotions and let go of the familiar. It hurts a lot and feels very scary. However, once you get past the initial shock, you start to realise and appreciate the bigger picture that you've missed out on. You feel as though you're finally experiencing life. It's not always perfect but it's an amazing experience. I feel as though I'm starting to enjoy all the bits of the picture now and it's motivating me to keep going forward.
Having an eating disorder felt like a constant battle between a "good" and a "bad" person. The "good" one wanted me to be pure and perfect and the "bad" one was my own personal self saboteur. It took me a long time to realise that I was hidden underneath this and neither side could win. Finding my voice in the battle has been an important part of my recovery so far.
Having an eating disorder was like living in a constant fog. I could still function and see the world around me but it was tainted by my eating disorder and I couldn't properly engage with life. Everything felt slow, sluggish and not worth it unless it was related to food or losing weight.
For me my eating disorder...was starting every day on a diet. I would jump on the scale first thing in the morning (and several times throughout the day if scales were accessible). I would check myself in the mirror and be beyond disgusted. I would promise myself to eat healthy today, no fatty foods at all!!
I gave myself an unrealistic goal every day, to survive on very little. Every day I would be a massive failure. I would check myself in every car or shop window and be truly horrified at the sight of myself. How could I possibly let myself get to this size?! I would get more dizzy and get hungrier as the day went on.
I could manage it until about 5pm. I was good until then (most of the time). After dinner there would be a second helping. Then the fight in my head with my eating disorder would begin. In the evening the urges to binge were overwhelming. A binge for me would be picking at food all night, fatty foods that were strictly forbidden for me.
A binge was never planned. It just happened as I could not resist the temptation of eating. This would then trigger a massive fight in my head. 'You are weak', 'you are pathetic', 'you are a failure', 'you are fat'. I would absolutely promise myself that I would be stronger the next day as another one had been ruined. More exercise and less calories tomorrow. Laxatives would help to to rid myself of some of these calories. The same thoughts would go around in my mind, 'I hate being fat. Fat is disgusting'.
I gave myself an unrealistic goal every day, to survive on very little. Every day I would be a massive failure. I would check myself in every car or shop window and be truly horrified at the sight of myself. How could I possibly let myself get to this size?! I would get more dizzy and get hungrier as the day went on.
I could manage it until about 5pm. I was good until then (most of the time). After dinner there would be a second helping. Then the fight in my head with my eating disorder would begin. In the evening the urges to binge were overwhelming. A binge for me would be picking at food all night, fatty foods that were strictly forbidden for me.
A binge was never planned. It just happened as I could not resist the temptation of eating. This would then trigger a massive fight in my head. 'You are weak', 'you are pathetic', 'you are a failure', 'you are fat'. I would absolutely promise myself that I would be stronger the next day as another one had been ruined. More exercise and less calories tomorrow. Laxatives would help to to rid myself of some of these calories. The same thoughts would go around in my mind, 'I hate being fat. Fat is disgusting'.
